Hello, dreamers.

It’s been quite a ride through NaNoWriMo thus far.  I’ve written a lot, and while it’s been rewarding, it’s been taxing as well.  Matthew Inman, writer of the web comic The Oatmeal, once likened the creative process to continuously exhaling.  Sooner or later, every writer gets to the point where they have nothing left to breathe out into the world.  Sooner or later, we all have to take a moment to inhale.  And after tearing through The Pioneer like a runaway train for the past few weeks, plowing through chapter after chapter, I was getting to that point.  My appetite went down.  I began having trouble sleeping.  I began to feel anxiety over the approaching end of the novel, I began feeling as though I was poised to write the final chapter tomorrow.  I started to second-guess everything about the course of the coming chapters, questioning decisions I made years ago when I first dreamt up the idea for this book.  I was burning out.

For many writers today, myself included, writing is not our day job.  As writing is not, at least for the moment, my career, I’ve always told myself that writing should be fun.  It’s not something I have to do, it’s something I want to do.  I try not to force myself to write when it stops being fun.  And last night, I was forced to admit that it had stopped being fun.

I needed a break, so today, I decided to give myself a day to inhale.  I had a rare mid-week day off.  I slept in.  I didn’t shave.  I had donuts for breakfast.  I guzzled coffee (lately I’ve been drinking tea while writing, and thus in my mind the smell of Earl Grey has become permanently associated with my novel).  I listened to music, literally anything other than what’s on the playlist I made for this novel (which has been pretty much all I’ve listened to for weeks).  I binged on Netflix, I watched videos of bobcats jumping over streams.  And until now, I didn’t write a word.  The most I’ve done today was move my most recent chapter from the work file to the master file.  And I’m happy about that.

For years, I’ve felt the need to always be useful, to accomplish something every day.  If I don’t do something productive, at least something, each day, I feel as though my day has been wasted.  After all, we are all granted a finite number of days in this world.  It seems unfair, both to us and the world around us, not to make the most of each and every one of them.  As such, for a few years now, I’ve found myself periodically breaking down.  I need to do things, need to constantly be advancing my life and contributing something valuable to the world around me.  But sooner or later, we all need a break.  If we don’t know when to take one, our minds and bodies will force us to.

I may not have added to my NaNoWriMo word count today.  I may still do so, I may not.  But either way, today has been a good day.  And if this is the only thing I write today, I feel I will be satisfied.  I feel this will be enough.

As far as the state of my work-in-progress…

The Pioneer

I feel a lot better about my work-in-progress now than I did last night.  It’s a lesson I’m slowly learning: no matter how much you love something, stare at it long enough and you’ll grow to hate it.  This story is, without a doubt, the best, most meaningful piece of fiction I have ever written.  I’m proud of what I’ve done with it so far.

Shortly before I opened this file, I was reviewing my most recent chapter, and came to realize why I’ve felt such building anxiety for the past few days, why I’ve kept second-guessing my path forward: the end of phase 3 is approaching.  It couldn’t be more than a chapter or two away.  And thus, the climax of the novel is coming soon.

The climactic chapter that ends phase 3 will be tough.  After nearly three phases of watching the characters grow and develop, take the important first steps of building their new colony, in the climax their world will be torn apart.  In a matter of stunning moments, they witness their mothership, the Susan Constant, destroyed in an act of sabotage.  The subsequent, penultimate phase of the novel will begin with chaos, as the colonists must determine how to proceed without the support of the Constant and with most of their leadership dead.  The struggle to build a functional community essentially from scratch will define the final chapters of the novel.  And, in the end, what began as a routine colony venture will see the creation of a completely new society, one infused with a pioneer spirit the likes of which humanity hasn’t seen in a very long time.

I have at least one chapter to go before that happens, and that chapter will no doubt be written tomorrow.  But for now, I will enjoy my rest.  I may look over what I’ve written thus far (I’ve been slowly reviewing everything else I’ve written since the start of NaNoWriMo).  For the most part, though, I will continue to relax, recuperate, and inhale.

For myself, and the intrepid colonists of the Samarkand Expedition, tomorrow is a new day, one rife with challenges, and also possibilities.  I will see you all then.  Until then, dare to dream. – MK